bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
