And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
