??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
