Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
