He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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