everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
