I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
