I am puke
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
