Don't you send me to vm
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
