I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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