flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
should my penis look like a turkey
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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