tell your sister to shave her snatch
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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