a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
