Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
