I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
