what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
