So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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