Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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