Soap is not a condiment
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
