I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have tasted many bathrooms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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