Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I want to fling myself into the sun
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
