Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
