The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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