Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
