if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
