i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
