Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
