I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
