Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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