I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
