Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
