her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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