now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
