So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
