I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
