I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
