Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
