Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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