She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
