Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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