So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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