wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
