he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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