If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
