I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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