I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
