About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
