How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
