WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
