my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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