Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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