my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
